Friday, February 17, 2012

Did you have the fever?

Twas two score and twelve weeks ago, in the clapboard and fiberglass land of Martin City that a cold wind blew. Men in animal skins cheersed to leather faced women and talked through gap teeth and Pall Malls. The 2011 annual Cabin Fever Days in Martin City had descended upon us.

My adventure partner, Grady, and I had high hopes of debauchery and entertainment. The Bar Stool Ski Races being the main attraction were certainly not to be missed and within the races my favorite was the self touted, "Born and Bred Canyon Stripper" who gyrated her way down Martin City Hill to the whoops and hollers of hundreds of drunk bystanders.

Needless to say, I took the day off from Colter. And the next day. We had a cabin rented in the canyon and were settled in to become one with the locals. Among the festivities are snowshoe baseball, an axe throwing competition, cursing contest, and an arm wrestling competition complete with the official table used by Sylvester Stalone in "Over The Top."

Grady signed me up. I didn't say no. I did order a few extra gin and sodas.

All of my tamping and milk jug lugging paid off. Did you know that this particular barista at your service is the 2011 Cabin Fever Days Women's Division arm wrestling champion? True story. I won 9 dollars, a key chain and whole lot of pride.

Check out my final battle below. The low, guttural, "DESTROY HER" command toward the end is Grady, my best pal and coach.




See that determination? That resolve?

I thought about going back to defend my title this last weekend. I do have a lot more weight to throw around this year. In the end I stayed home and made granola to send to my little brother so he'll stop eating those dang Pop Tarts at college.

At any rate, this post had next to nothing to do with coffee but it is a fond memory and a story the Head Cheese always enjoys and we thought y'all might enjoy it too.

From our headquarters to yours, Happy Friday.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

So, how bout them Republicans?

I'm a political slacker. I try to be involved and informed but aside from what I get from Slate and other snarky and entertaining news sites I tend to be pretty laid back. I'm skeptical of all of our options but to be honest I haven't focused a lot of energy on researching all (or any of) the candidates. Even now as I watch/listen to Newt Gingrich's speech from the Florida Caucus, I can't help but be entirely distracted by his wife and her striking resemblance to Paris Hilton and The Joker's eldest daughter, Polly Esther. Then I get distracted again when I hear Newt quoting Honest Abe by saying, "...for the people, by the people..." and I just think of the brand FUBU (For Us By Us). Which then leads to me imagining Newt playing Woody Harrelson's role in White Men Can't Jump. Which obviously then reminds me of Wesley Snipes' performance in Blade and also Murder at 1600. Which brings us full circle. And I have absolutely no idea what Newt actually said. I feel a little better because I don't think his wife does either.

The coffee shop is a good resource for keeping up on current events. Someone is always talking about something. I get to hear all about the wolves and who wants to kill em and who wants to go Jungle Book with them. The social aspect has always been my favorite part of my job but I think I could also say it is one of my main sources of information on local and national, even global goings on. Of course, I can't take what you shlubs say as gospel, I need to do a little more research but y'all do definitely inspire more Google searches than you're probably aware of.

We've got some cool current events coming up in Colter, too. Even though we're not advertised on the posters, we are in fact participating in the Chocolate Affair next Friday. We'll be staying open late and offering out of the ordinary delicious treats such as truffles from The Palette Cafe in Columbia Falls among other foodies.

This coming Monday, of course, is stand up comedy/open mic night and if you haven't been in to be entertained you're definitely missing out.

Also, a current and ongoing affair, have you guys tried our Roaster's Reserves yet? I'm getting a ton of positive feedback so far so be sure you have a cuppa soon before it changes!

And now, a joke: Horse walks into a bar, bartender says, "why the long face?"

Ba-doom-cha!

And since that one was kinda lame, another. Brenda (or anyone who prefers to abstain from off color humor), stop reading here. This is not for you.

Three mice are sitting at a bar. They're pretty hard mice, you can tell by the looks of them. First mouse takes a big swig of his beer, slams it down, says to the other mice, "So get this. Every night old lady in the house sets a mouse trap. You know what I do? I bench press that stupid mouse trap. She's never seen my kinda mouse."

Other two mice nod, impressed. Second mouse, though, second mouse isn't going to let that go untopped. "Oh, yeah?" He says, "Well, from the time I was a young mouse I've sprinkled rat poison on my grapenuts every morning. Now I sprinkle it on all my kids' breakfast. Kinda start to like it after awhile. Toughest mice in town, my kids."

Other two mice nod, very impressed with the rat poison story. Third mouse puts his head down and shakes it a little bit, maybe in disbelief. He then finishes his beer, slides it down to the bartender pulls his hat on and marches out.

First mouse says, "What?! Can't take the heat? Getting out of the kitchen?!"
"Nah," third mouse says, "I'm going home to f*ck the cat."

And there you have it, folks. I'm spent. Time to go elevate my cankles.