NMBJ13

When we were sitting on squashy couches, with our knees pressed against the coffee table, tapping out notes on our iPhones the Barista Jam was just barely starting to come together.  My grandiose vision consisted of coffee lovers and party people melding in one room for one afternoon, clapping one another on the back and laughing heartily.  Music pumping, espresso pulling, pour over brewing, you get the idea.

I am pleased to announce that with a couple of hitches and my very own style of haphazard organization the Northwest Montana Barista Jam 2013 was a blast.  Colter collaborated with 5 Sparrows Cafe Products and  Montana Coffee Traders for a super good time on the afternoon of May 19th.

When we originally hatched the plan the idea was to have coffee types all get together in a comfortable, informal setting.  Then we added a few tables with different pour over methods such as aero press, Chemex, and Hario pour over.  Across the room from the pour over bars was our vintage La Marzocco who got to come out to play for the day.  It was good to see her.  Ever since Kiki moved in downtown we don't get to play with the sweet double group head much. Did you know we call our downtown machine Kiki?  Yeah.

All in all everyone who attended had a great time.  Or else they put on an excited face to make me feel better.  The highlight was the latte art throwdown.  After all the donations were collected the competitors were playing for $150 cold hard cash money.  It was intense.  We did an applause-o-meter and the final tie breaking  pour off was done with the spectators outside allowing the finalist baristas, who were Allison Stayer of Colter and Matthew Bussard of MCT, to concentrate wholly on the task at hand.  The competition was stiff and all the baristas involved brought their A game and everyone was a definite threat to the crown but in the end Matthew Bussard of Montana Coffee Traders took the title, the cash, the Espresso Parts Northwest swag and, most coveted, Pump Pot Dolly (see photo).

We are already looking forward to another event and ideas of new components and activities are sparking.  Thanks to everyone who made it great!

The Barista Jam also marked a bit of a sad occasion.  It was the final time several of Colter's baristas would still be Colter girls and boys.  Allison, Richie and Ty have transitioned out and I have bowed out and taken off my management sash and barista nametag.  Like I said, a bit sad, but also very exciting to see some of our beloved employees finding their bliss, even if it doesn't include being on our payroll.  As for myself I can spend more time with my ping pong ball of a kid while still offering up fbook updates and blog posts.  I can 98% guarantee that I will pick up a shift here and there so y'all will still be slurpin' my swill.  I just can't say goodbye.  This is my bliss.  Don't tell the head cheese I said that.

Also, I know I have said this before and I really hope what I'm about to say becomes reality.  I have some serious confidence this time around that sweet custom designed t-shirts will be on the shelves soon!  And by soon I mean soon in Head Cheese time which is much more of a loose term than normal people.  It's like when a woman is 6 months pregnant and someone says she's going to have a baby "soon."  Yeah.  Soon for you, buddy.  There is nothing soon about those last four months. Yes, four, the nine month pregnancy is a hugely disconcerting and disappointing myth.  So this t-shirt baby is going to be here "soon".  We're gestating it as I type.  Be excited.


I leave you with this:

A nun, a priest, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a blond and a rabbi walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, "What is this?  Some sort of joke?"




My kid's head is stuck between the wall and the couch.  Gotta go.

The Mecca

"You know what you can do while I'm gone?!"

"Tell me."

"Write a blog post!"

"Yeah.  It's been too long.  But I don't have much in the way of material lately.  I haven't been in the shop much."

"So write about life! C'monnnnnn.  Write anything!  Tell a story!"

Welp.  What the Head Cheese wants, he gets.  That's what we let him think anyway.

So, there we were.  In the hotel bar in Korea Town in LA waiting for our Josh Ritter concert to start.  Now, let me preface this by saying that Grady and I don't necessarily love hotel bars.  Now, show me a dive where there are no doors on the bathroom and the bartender looks like she started smoking at twelve and then had four kids by the time she was seventeen.  That's the spot for us.

In fact, that reminds me of another story.  Don't worry, we'll go back to Korea Town soon but for now, come up to Fairbanks with me. 

So, there we were.  In a no water, no power cabin in the middle of the woods in Fairbanks, Alaska in January.  The only reason to go to Fairbanks, Alaska in January is to see a family member who has dropped severely ill or to see Josh Ritter.  We were there for the latter.  Anyway, we hitched a ride out of the no water no power cabin to the UAF (University Alaska Fairbanks) campus to go mingle with some co-eds and go a few miles on the XC ski course.  En route we get the tour of bustling downtown Fairbanks.  When I say bustling what I mean is it's pretty dingy and the most activity I saw at 9am were some natives sitting on the sidewalk outside of a tiny windowed bar called The Mecca.  Ski course was cool, we saw not one but two moose and Grady fell over about four times.  We definitely earned our beers at the campus bar.  At the UAF pub we find, I'm not even kidding you, a dude with a pinky ring and a beret drinking a glass of wine with some textbook open on his table.  No one else.  We get a pitcher and walk into the vicinity of beret boy.  Now, in mine and Grady's travels I am the face and he is the bank.  We need information, I am sent to negotiate with locals and then he buys whatever it is we need to get where we're going.  So, I head over to BB to see what he knows about this town.  

"This place always this happenin?!"  I start with a bit of a laugh.

Completely unimpressed he replies by rolling his eyes from his text book up to me and then back down.
"I mean, this place is pretty sweet but I guess I was just wondering if there are any other bars around?  Maybe even one with a liquor license?"
"I dunno.  This is where my friends and I usually hang."
Yeah.  Friends.  Right.  I decide to attack from a different angle, "well, when we were driving up here I saw some action at a place called The Mecca.  Is that --"
He cuts me off, "The Mecca?  The Mecca?  No one goes to The Mecca.  Especially if you're not native or not looking for trouble.  I have lived here 24 years and never have gone and never will go to The Mecca.  You shouldn't either."
"Great, thanks for the help!"
Grady and I chug our beers and call a cab.  To The Mecca it is.

The cab driver also didn't seem like he thought we should go to The Mecca.  I think they have to take you where you ask them to though so he steered us downtown.  As we were getting out he asked us one last time if we were sure we didn't want to go back up to the University.  Thanks, buddy.  We got this.
To be perfectly honest with you I have no idea what those people were so worried about!  It was exactly what we had been looking for ever since we arrived.  Granted, it was only noon and it was super busy which you don't see everyday but I got the distinct feeling that you do see that every day at this place.  At first I wondered why the patrons weren't at work and as the day wore on I realized that not only were they not really the "working" type, some of them were in fact at work.  I could have bought an animal skin vest with fringe and glow in the dark beads, a puffy fox fur hat, a dream catcher, a lighter that looked like a rifle or a t-shirt with two wolves staring into the sky and a big moon behind them and Alaska written in silvery sparkly graffiti looking cursive at the bottom.  I almost went for the fox fur hat but then the woman selling it told me it was $275.  Girl, you have three teeth and you're at The Mecca.

At the far end of the bar sat a huge man who also did not have very many teeth.  Due to his lack of teeth and his level of inebriation he whistled and spat a lot while he spoke which was kinda funny and kinda terrifying.  The teeny bartender kept yelling at him to go home and quite spitting in her cherries.  He would gesture wildly, knock over his bar stool and come down to the other end of the bar.  I'm not sure if he thought he was tricking her?  Because she definitely knew it was the same giant toothless spitting drunk dude.  I think I missed some debauchery because all of a sudden the FPD were there in uniform to haul him off to the drunk tank.  Grady and I mentioned to the bartender that we were pretty impressed with how she handles all the drunks and especially our friend Steven.  Steven being the giant toothless one.  She just kinda shrugged it off.  "Happens everyday," she said.  "They can only keep him downtown 5 hours.  He'll be back."

After Steve left we needed some more entertainment so Grady handed me a $20 and motioned toward the jukebox.  Normally I would have put on some Bob Dylan, some Josh Ritter, some Crosby Stills Nash and Young, some Steve Miller Band, Tom Petty and maybe a pinch of Lady Gaga for good measure.  This day, however, something got into me and I played Avril Lavigne's, "Girlfriend."  I don't mean that I played Avril Lavigne's, "Girlfriend" once.  I mean I played $20 worth of Avril Lavinge's, "Girlfriend."  Oh yeah.  That happened.  The natives loved it!  By the 13th or 14th time around they knew the words and we were doing shots every time she said, "think you need a new one!"  I even got to wear the fox fur hat and dance on the bar.  And either they let him out early or $20 goes really really far in a jukebox in Alaska because eventually even Steve was back and dancing with us.  The big lumbering idiot picked me up and spun me around at some point and plopped me down on the pool table.  I was in dirty dive bar heaven.

Somehow Grady's brother, Sean, found us.  I blame BB at the campus bar.  Sean drug us out of there and tried to feed us pizza promising that we would go back to The Mecca.

I'm still waiting.

This was going to be a story about Josh Ritter and Korea Town.  I only have a couple stories about Korea Town but I have lots and lots about Josh Ritter.  I'll have even more after tomorrow!  Josh Ritter at the Wilma here I come!

By the way, here's the fox fur hat!  It's pretty sweet but do you think it's $275 sweet?



And of course, your joke.

A drum and a cymbal fall off a cliff...






.




.



Badoom CHA!

The debatable art of the cappuccino

I want to take a few moments and tell you guys about a drink we offer called the, "cappuccino."  This post is inspired by a recent interaction I had whilst slingin.

There I am, in my groove, pulling 21 second shots (perfect) and stretching velvety microbubble milk (perfect).  I get an 8oz to-go cup on the bar.  "2x cap," is scrawled on the cup.  Sweet.  I got this.

I want to pause the story to tell you what a cappuccino is.  That way when I tell the end of the story all of you would have to be crazy not to be on my side.  Not that there are sides.  The customer is always right.  Heh.

So, traditionally, back in the day over across the pond the standard cappuccino was a 6oz drink.  1/3 shots, 1/3 milk, 1/3 foam.  In this case two ounces of each.  The shots are what we call ristretto shots or 'short shots'.  But that is a whole nother entry.  This one focuses more on the milk.  When steamed correctly the milk and the foam should be married in a lovely union of creamy not-too-thick-not-too-thinness.  My mom used to say the Colorado River is too thick to drink, too thin to plow.  Similar concept.  Except you can, in fact, drink it and when you do all those thousands of bubbles your barista just steamed up will dance across your tongue.  The best way to tell a well made cap is to pick it up.  If it feels heavy, like when you pick up a latte, it is probably a latte.  Chances are the milk wasn't stretched properly.  If you pick up a cap and it feels light, like maybe your barista didn't fill the cup all the way that is a true cappuccino.  You tell by the weight, not by the look of the milk.  If you go by the look of the milk you are looking for a dry cappuccino.

Here is where it gets trickier.  The cappuccino can be customized to the customers liking.  A dry cap is foamier, a wet cap is milkier.  Often times with a dry cap the barista will have scoops of steamed milk on top that looks almost like meringue.  Sweet peaks of dairy to dip your cookie in.

Without any specification we make a traditional cappuccino.  The method of thirds.

So, now you know.

Now, I get this 8oz cup on the bar that says "2x cap."  As I said before I was rockin my mojo.  I'm not downtown quite so often anymore so when I am there I am basically Bon Jovi.  I'm high fiving with one hand, steaming milk with the other.  Kissing babies and wrapping pastries.  Doling out relationship advice and counting money.  At this rate I'm expecting to be awarded a medal for making this cappuccino.  As I set my shots I was thinking about the employee meeting  we held specifically discussing steaming milk for the cappuccino.  Man, our customers are lucky we care so much, right?

"Uhm.  I asked for a cappuccino."  I am snapped out of my lala daydream by the gentleman scrutinizing my performance.

Thinking he perhaps was worried his drink had been forgotten in the lineup I cheerily assured him I was pouring it now and he would be enjoying it in just a momen--

"No.  I said I ordered a cappuccino.  That is a latte."

"Oh, well.  I know it can be hard to tell sometimes until you taste but--"

"I know the difference.  A cappuccino has foam.  Whatever you just made is just milk.  I saw."

"Here, let's just start over."  I take his cup back and start setting fresh shots.

Just to make conversation and also to maybe help homeboy realize he doesn't have to treat me like a complete idiot to clear up the situation I chat him up with, "Okay, so, maybe you're looking for more of a dry cappuccino?  The foamier cappuccino where the milk is in more rigid dollops on top?"

"There's only one way to make a cappuccino and it's espresso with foam on top."

"Well actually, jackass, that is what we call a macchiato."

I didn't say that in real life.  I said that in I Heart Customer Service the newest reality hit TV show on Bravo.  Watch what happens.

In real life I said (with a slightly waning smile), "Yeah.  That's debatable."

And THEN because this man clearly was not backing down he retorted with, "I don't think so."

To which in IHCS I said, "You know, you're right.  I've been here 5 years.  The dry cappuccino happens to be my favorite drink to make and I make a damn fine one but you're right.  I have no idea what I'm doing.  Someone else should manage the store.  Maybe you should!  You wanna jump back here?!"

In real life I didn't actually say anything.  I offered up a smile and a dry cappuccino with shiny, scoopable, sweet, structured foam in thick dollops that jiggled a little when I slid it to his side of the counter.

Success.  His face softened a little.  He took a sip, er, bite, and said, "so, next time I should ask for my cap to be dry?"

With a genuine smile and a nod I sent him on his way, all wrongs forgiven and some round about extra job satisfaction.

And that, my friends, is a cappuccino.

Introducing... The sexiest voice in coffee.

I'm sure you guys already know this but we're in the thick of my birth month.  I share my birth month with another of our Colter family members, Pete!  His day is today!  If you happen to see him in the next few days give him a tip of the hat, he's off to conquer 26!

So, if you wouldn't mind, when you walk into the shop you should tell the barista at the register (and anyone else who will listen) how lovely the fall bouquet of fake flowers on top of the fridge looks.  Yeah, that was me.  Also, the facelift on the shadow box by the door.  I found a picture of polar bears hugging.  Seemed appropriate so I hung it.

Did you see on our fbook page or in Sunday's paper that we will be competing in America's Best Espresso competition?!  So awesome.  We are sending the Head Cheese over to Seattle this weekend for the festivities.  Both Pete and I will be off on our own separate birth month adventures so that just left the big man in charge to go geek out in SeaTown.  Don't tell him I told you this but I'm a little nervous.  The man pulls a fabulous shot, don't get me wrong.  I just feel like my teenage daughter is taking the car out for the first time alone.  But really, that's silly because it's the Head Cheese's proverbial teenage daughter.  Keep your fingers crossed and keep an eye out for Facebook updates to see how we are doing.  HC pulls his first shot on Friday at 3:43 pm.  Woot.

Since we will probably win the America's Best Espresso competition and our popularity will likely skyrocket which will in turn mean we will have way more wholesale accounts and way more need for beans, beans, beans, now is the time to prepare.  Step one in this multi-phase top secret expansion project is to create a training video so the masses can access our method for recreation in their own coffee shop.  Yes, I hear you whispering sellout.  Shush.  We still have secrets.  I have them hidden in Regina George's hair.  Next we have to record a voice over so people understand what they're watching when tuning into the video.

During the voice over our Renaissance Man and beloved "art guy," Julius, told me I have a future in the voice over industry.  Apparently I'm a natural.  He also told me I have a perfect face for radio.  Oh, that man.  He sure knows how to make a girl blush.  Anyway, before I know it some guy called Joe is telling me to shoot him a line, we'll record a radio spot, he's been dying to get Colter's ad revived considering the current spot is like 17 years old and I am hands down the one for the job.  Basically what I am trying to say is that I have become an overnight sensation.  Sexiest voice in coffee.  So, tune into KALS or buy wholesale beans from us to get the training tutorial video and prepare to be dazzled.

I'm probs gonna get a spankin with the fly swatter (that is Brenda's most favorite form of discipline) for this but GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!  Wedding bells are chiming!  Brenda is gettin' hitched!  I am so excited.  As of October 20th Brenda will no longer be Auntie Brenda she will be Mrs. Auntie Brenda!  So while your hat tippin Pete for being born give Brendarr a tip for being lovely and in love!

I have much more to say but I just looked over to see my child faceplanted into the carpet with his arms flailing behind him and his foot stuck in his mouth.  Better handle that.  Don't forget to vote for me in the upcoming Mother of the Year award!

Have I told you the one about the hippies?  It's not super appropriate so I probably haven't but it's a good one.

Here goes.

How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Give up?

They don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in dirty sleeping bags!

Peace out boy scout

Making do until the zombie apocolypse

What do you guys think of Kalispell?  It seems like a lot of the tourist business we get are people coming into Costco from their vacation rental in Bigfork or they're  just passing through on their way to Whitefish.  I like Kalispell.  I understand that it is getting bigger and harder to navigate with drivers that are perhaps not used to sitting at a light or having to make speedy lane changes.  I understand that the geography of Bigfork and Whitefish are more conducive to summer activities but I feel like Kalispell gets a bad wrap.

I have felt for a long time now that being a part of Colter I am on the edge of something big.  We are growing, we have a certain atmosphere that is only attainable by a nearly perfect chemistry between regular customers and fresh blood and dedicated baristas.  Obvs, we have tasty, tasty brew.  And we're open to change.  I think this is a big one.  We've all heard the old adage that change is hard and takes adjustment and bla bla.  There is, of course, something to be said for the equally old adage of not always wanting to mix things up and that consistency is key.  I still insist that fresh air is vital and delicious.  All of that being said, I guess my point is that I really like the idea of Kalispell having a vibrant downtown and community involvement.  We have a huge farmer's market, locally owned shops on Main Street, lush parks and quiet, meandering neighborhoods.  I would love to see more activities within our community and not only have Kalispell be a stopover between one of the lakes in the valley.

There is the upcoming Huckleberry 100 which is a 100 mile bike ride.  Sounds like such a cool event.  There is always stuff going on at the Conrad Mansion or the Hockaday.  Kalispell's Taste of Kalispell is coming up this weekend.  I hope that people take part in these activites!  We will have a booth at Taste of Kalispell, so at least come see me and get a dinner's worth of samples from all the area businesses participating.  There are so many ideas to get Kalispell acquainted with it's residents and visitors and vice versa.  I've been brainstorming with Poppy, co-owner of Cobblestone Moon on 1st Avenue East, about how to bring a bit more life to Kalispell.  We're thinking of screening films in the lawn of her sweet little shop.  At least while the weather holds.  Perhaps the backroom of Colter after that?  We're thinking of getting a shop mob together.  Much like flash mobs but groups of people who all go to one locally owned and operated shop and purchase something.  Help the retailer boost sales for the day.  Perhaps choosing one day a month to meet up and shop.  Starting with a coffee and ending with ice cream or however it works out.  We have such great businesses and such great business owners.  I've gotten to know a lot of the proprietors in downtown and I can certainly vouch for the fact that these places are worth spending some time at.

What do you guys think?  How is our community?  Are you satisfied?  Would you like a tighter knit, more active community?

In the spirit of things, here is a joke


How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one but the lightbulb has to want to change.

Until we meet again.

Honey do's

Ohmigawd.  I have missed you all so much.  There is something so satisfying about the tip tip tappy of computer keys yet it is a task easily dismissed.

Today, though.  Today is the day, my friends and coffee lovers.  I am here to spread the gospel of Colter.  Of course, when I say "Colter," I mean stuff somehow related to Coltertopia and the people and events in our kingdom. There are only mere weeks left in our precious summer.  I don't know about y'all but I have a list.  It's really an impressive list of things to accomplish, "this summer."  If all were to go according to plan I would have a garden, a baby who knows how to sign, fresh mugs in the chop, t-shirts on the shelves, size 6 jeans on my booty, a magazine beating down my door begging me to do some freelance contributions, two new hires waiting in the bullpen all trained and ready to go, a new menu behind the counter and several other pipe dreams on the verge of fruition.  It just goes so fast.  My to-do list is much more lustrous than my done list but I've got some good seatmates next to me on this boat, amirite?

Instead of a garden I am planning to browse the Farmer's Market this evening and pick up some spinach to grind up for my baby who doesn't sign but whose chubby hands grab curiously at everything within reach. Mugs are on the way and they will be max rad.  Local artist, Nicole Johnson, is setting us up with a mix of her freshest glazes and loveliest handles.  T-shirts are the butt of many jokes around Coltertopia.
"Hey, why did the barista cross the road?"
"I dunno, why?"
"To get a t-shirt!  Baahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Hoooeehahahahahahahahaha"

I don't get it either.  Someday new retail t-shirts will be more than a fantasy of mine and the butt of a dumb joke.  In the meantime I'm going to dream of American Apparel 25/25/50 V-necks with minimalist, hip images.  Swoon.  Same with the menu.  I see reclaimed barn wood-ish type material and white chalk.  Someday I also want mason jar light fixtures.  Double swoon.

Rather than a writer's magazine beating down my door I have customers and the Bossman requesting me to write this blog!  Right?  I mean, Slinging Lattes and Flashing Smiles totally counts.  As for new hires, I cast a line into the vast expanse of fbook and haven't received much input back.  If you happen to read the blog and aren't on fbook, our seasonal employees are on their way out soon and we are hoping to hire a career barista with a serious interest in this schtick.  I would love to hear from you if you're interested and think you would be a good fit in our quirky, lovable family.

Hopefully summertime is going along swimmingly for the rest of you in Coltertopia.  We're certainly doing alright.  Come say hey!

Finally, what does a nosy pepper do?

Get's jalapeño bid'nass!

May showers

Hello, strangers!

 Due to transitioning back into pulling shifts behind the coffee bar combined with an impending business trip to Dallas for the Head Cheese and me, BaristaGirl has been a bit lacking.  I do apologize.

We sure have been hustling around though! I hope you've been in lately to help us welcome the summer season. Everything is better in the summer, isn't it? I know most of us in this area are winter sports aficionados but come on. Last night I had sushi and a glass of wine with a girlfriend then went to split a Framboise down at city beach in Whitefish. We left the dock at 9pm and it was still light when I got home. Beat that.

 In downtown news, out of town business is picking up as well. Southern accents exclaim joy in not paying sales tax, or someone turns down a coffee card because they're, "just here on vacation." We love meeting the summer crowd. We especially love seeing a face from last summer or the summer before. Customers and baristas, we may not know much about one another, whether we have siblings or any allergies or what the other does for fun, but we have a mutual understanding of a shared experience we'd like to have again. The Colter experience. It's rad. I love sharing it. I say now that I love sharing it when I happen to be on this side of our upcoming trip where I'm going to have to share the Colter Experience with half of Dallas. We'll see what I have to say after that.

We had our Latte Art Competition on Sunday! It was fun! Changed it up a bit this year and offered some different options for spectators and competitors. A pour over bar, 5 Sparrows sampling table, affogatos, and general mingling with the crew. I look forward to continuing to tweak our approach and hope to have the house packed next year! I wanna nervously eye fire code capacity! From our in-house competition our veteran barista Brendarrrr took first place and runner up to her was Allison and the bronze went to Tazia. Out of house first place went to Montana Coffee Traders' lead barista, Matthew, second and third went to Hannah and Sarsten both from Ceres Bakery. So cool to see other area shops coming in to support the event. I have inklings of a combined effort and bigger draw in our futures. Personally, I thought the poem I wrote the night before and then posted as Colter's Facebook page status was gonna bring everybody in droves but apparently my poetry fell on deaf ears. Blind eyes? One of those.

I hope everyone has met and enjoys our newbies! We have a couple of seasonal baristas right now, those young and vibrant college youths who make us yearn to be back in those times of sleepless nights and whirring metabolisms. Yes, I'll have whipped cream with that! Anyway, Russ and Jessica are our new faces so come see them and try not to give them too hard of a time.

Also, starting this Friday, June 1st, we will be participating in First Friday! So come hear the musical stylings of Jarod Kearny and see the art of Alan Satterlee as you join the rest of Kalispell for a fun evening stroll around downtown! Keep on keepin on, y'all, I'll catch you on the flip side!